Thoughts from today

I find myself in a difficult situation. My predecessor has not been reappointed to another circuit in another place, but instead has taken a job as chaplain at the local hospital. In addition, her husband remains an active member of one of my churches. When my super asked if I minded, it was phrased in such a way that I knew I wasn't supposed to mind: "I told her it wouldn't be a problem, but wanted to let you know I was aware of the situation" was what he said to me. Didn't even ask me! On top of all that, I have a "pastoral assistant" at my largest church (since when does a minister of a church with about 50 people on the rolls need a pastoral assistant...yet i have one). At this point (and yes, it is still early), he seems to be doing my job for me. He's a retired baptist minister who still has the "pastor" in him. I'm finding that the passive-agressive behavior is not one limited to the shores of the US. I found out last night, after it was too late to do anything, that one of my parishioners is in hospital (the Brits just say "in hospital"). I called my pastoral assistant this morning and basically got the brush-off, saying that the person in the hospital would have already contacted Pauline (my predecessor turned chaplain) and that would be fine. It almost feels like I'm being denied my place.

On top of all of this drama, I do find myself wondering where exactly my place is. The Methodist Church is Britain, especially in smaller congregations, is very much a laity-driven church. The minister's duty is to preside over meetings and provide pastoral care. Since I have four churches and may or may not see them for worship within any given month (one church I won't see until mid-October), ministry in this situation looks very different than it does at home.

With a variety of things that are going on and things that have been said (like planning for next year already...they're deciding tomorrow night what they plan on looking for in my successor), I feel like I'm a warm body filling a space. I'm beginning to resent the situation that I find myself in, which is not a healthy place to be. While I appreciate the opportunity to learn and grow by ministering and doing so in a different culture, I have far too much pride to be put into such a spot. I'm angry, I'm frustrated, and yet I don't know where to turn because the only people I know are the ones causing my grief!

Part of me thinks that the more information I get, the better equipped I will be to handle these situations. The problem about this whole escapade of mine is that I don't know whether any of this is due to being new in ministry, being in a new culture, or some combination of both. Half the time, I don't even know what questions to ask to get the information I want. We'll get started on this road tomorrow morning when I have a breakfast meeting (7:30!!) with my pastoral assistant. (followed by a tour of the local crematorium...what a morning!) Hopefully I'll have a better sense of direction after this meeting.

Thanks for reading this far. I hope it makes at least some sense. I realize this isn't one of those cheerful, "everything's great" entries, but I want to be honest about the experience that I'm having. I do hope you all are well. Peace to you.